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Introduction
Throughout a lifetime, people experience a great number of events that can change their perspective on the world. The process of transition that starts when such an event occurs can be difficult for the person, but by the end, a new way of life can begin. This transition process was described by William Bridges in his book “Managing Transitions” which was published in 1991. This paper will serve as a reflection on one such moment in my personal life with an analysis based on the Bridges’ model.
Watershed Event
Perhaps the first watershed event in my life was the moment when I started doubting the actions of my friends and me in high school. At the time I was 16 years old and had a tight-knit group of friends. The teenage culture of the time held a strong homophobic message, and the classroom experience reflected that (Airton, 2013). My friends often utilized homophobic slurs and in general held no interest in the difficulties that LGBT people face in their daily lives (Peter, Taylor & Chamberland, 2014).
Then one day one member of our group began acting much more aggressively and decided to attack one of our classmates who exhibited feminine traits. We managed to stop him before he could do anything but while holding him down, I had almost an immediate change of perspective. It would be important to clarify that previously our actions were not directed toward the LGBT community but due to our complete ignorance of their issues, we were all engaging in behavior that was actively harmful to gay people.
The open aggression that my so-called “friend” expressed made me reconsider our actions. I started thinking about why we behaved the way we did and what could lead to such harmful attitudes towards a group that not only was completely removed from us but also often persecuted by the general populace. Over a month, I went through the whole transition period described by Bridges. I believe this moment was more than meaningful to me because it truly made me reconsider my entire way of life and behavior (Bridges, 2017).
Five Stages of Endings
Analyzing the feelings, I felt at the time I can identify the five stages of endings as they are described by Bridges (Bridges, 2017). The stage of disengagement came very early in the process. It started with me realizing that I have to separate myself from the culture I enjoyed. I had to acknowledge that some things that I loved were in reality reprehensible. I had cast them out of my life so I could start moving forward. I conflicted with myself. Feelings of anger and confusion were very common to be at this stage.
However, soon I worked through these emotions and began to separate myself from this type of culture. I stopped utilizing slurs of any kind, stopped thinking of myself as being always right about things, and what I find most important, I started thinking more about what others feel because of my actions. The steps of disengagement and dis-identification were almost uniform as the reasons for one, also led to the other. I stopped being so inconsiderate to people who I did not know because despite previously knowing they are equal to me, I never truly realized what it truly meant.
With this realization came the feeling of disenchantment in my previous behavior and things I enjoyed. A lot of the music I previously enjoyed became uninteresting and often bad. I have changed my view on people I previously idolized, and their works have lost a lot of meaning to me. Even in social interaction, I found it hard to keep conversations with friends who still exhibited homophobic tendencies. This lack of cultural support left me feeling disoriented. I was not sure of what to do next as the event fell in the last week of school and with the free time available I did not have a way to distract myself from the feelings I felt. However, in the period of a few days, I became more content with this change.
The Neutral Zone
During those days I believe that I was in the stage described as the Neutral Zone by Bridges (Bridges, 2017). I felt empty at first, could find anything to do to distract myself from it. Looking at the suggestions provided by Bridges I was lucky to be alone during this time. I started walking every day for extended periods while thinking about my past experiences. I did not use a journal to reflect on my life so far but still thought about the best and worst moments I had, and at the relationships, I’ve built.
Some days I would just walk without thinking too much about it. I experienced skepticism towards this change but thinking about the feeling of holding down my friend quickly reinstated why I wanted to change my outlook. As studies of similar conditions show, during this time I became more open to new ideas and activities which led me to start being interested in more diverse and accepting cultures. The transition was hard but trying to embrace the aspects that I previously avoided gave me meaning during this stage. I have read more literature during those days than I did during most of the school year. Eventually, I moved onto the final stage of transition as described by Bridges.
The New Beginning
I am not entirely sure when I became fully accepting of the new way of life as the last step was very gradual. By the end of the month, I stopped getting intense feelings about my previous experience and started getting the real enjoyment of new cultures that I have started exploring during the last step. I became very open to learning new information about topics I previously rejected or had no interest in. For example, the beat poetry movement and the lives of its most prolific authors often included many non-traditional sexual identities. Also, I found the writing of Susan Sontag a humanizing portrayal of aspects of culture that I previously was ignorant about, especially her essay on camp.
I began seeking out new friends and relationships that could be more progressive in their views. This could be the time when I realized that it was the new beginning for me as I first found a great conversation with a group of people at a concert. We made fast friends and I felt like my previous life in high school was truly behind me, with a variety of new experiences waiting for me ahead.
Reflective Analysis
While researching this paper, I have come across several publications that helped me put into context my previous experiences as well as provide insight into the event I experienced. The first insight is that personal and professional transitions essentially have the same core of emotions and transition steps that the person might encounter (Deutsch, 2015). Previously, I have not considered the emotional toll that a change in the workplace can have on a person, but now I will be prepared if such a change might come. Additionally, I will be able to facilitate the changes better, by employing tactics I have gained from the William Bridges book (Bridges, 2017).
The second insight I gained was related to how easy it is to recall a previously emotional moment after going through the transitional steps. Despite making my peace with this situation years ago, I have not thought about it in a long time. To my surprise, I have not felt much emotion while recollecting it for this paper and even thought that I could have made this change sooner.
The last insight I gained is that despite the differing nature of such experiences, they are relatively easily mapped to the model outlined by Bridges (Bridges, 2017). The structured nature of the seemingly random emotional actions gave me a new perspective on the way human emotions can drive our actions. The unifying nature of this model made me consider how similar people are to each other when confronted with an emotional situation.
Conclusion
Most people have experienced at least one watershed moment in their life. By going through such changes, people often gain a new level of understanding and awareness that was previously unknown. My experience made me a better person, and I hope more people can say the same.
References
Airton, L. (2013). Leave “those kids” alone: On the conflation of school homophobia and suffering queers. Curriculum Inquiry, 43(5), 532-562.
Bridges, W. (2017). Managing transitions: Making the most of change. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.
Deutsch, M. (2015). The dragon slayer in you. ASHA Leader, 20(11), 38-39.
Peter, T., Taylor, C., & Chamberland, L. (2014). A queer day in Canada: Examining Canadian high school students’ experiences with school-based homophobia in two large-scale studies. Journal of Homosexuality, 62(2), 186-206.
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